Winston -- or Whineston?

You be the judge. Just don't try to get more than four feet away from him, or his little bark will blow your eardrums out. Also, don't try to put a collar on him. And don't you dare try to take that collar off of him! And don't interfere when he's eating rocks, dirt clumps, grass, or socks.

This reminds me of a joke list I saw online a few months ago. Found it just now. Source unknown.

If I like it, it's mine.
If it's in my mouth, it's mine.
If I can take it from you, it's mine.
If I had it a little while ago, it's mine.
If it's mine, it must never appear to be yours in any way.
If I'm chewing something up, all the pieces are mine.
If it just looks like mine, it's mine.
If I saw it first, it's mine.
If you are playing with something and you put it down, it automatically becomes mine.
If it's broken, it's yours.

I will add my own: The more it costs, the better it tastes.

Okay, so, I'm excited for the husb to return to town tomorrow because then I can send Winston to work with him, ha ha ha. Bwa ha ha ha ha ha ha... no, really.